Friday, May 15, 2009


Recently I had an epiphany. I should start exercising. I know, it sounds a little obvious, but the truth is its the first time I have had this epiphany in all of my 32 years. Not that I have never exercised. I once hired a personal trainer for workouts 3 times a week for almost a year. I never missed a workout. There was built in pressure to get my pre-paid money's worth and I was single and the trainer was ridiculously attractive etc. This was before I met my beloved John, who actually was the reason said training sessions game to an abrupt halt. I digress. The point is, I have been a regular attendee of the gym before and came to the conclusion that no matter how many pounds I lift, or machines I look stupid on or mountains I climb on the stairs, I will always have a soft squishy body. I will never be ripped or firm or even mildly toned. Even the trainer was amazed. He would marvel "I have witnessed you doing all of the exercise and lifting all of the weights and still no muscle definition!?!" Incidentally, this trainer was a muscular black man with an affinity for feminine curves so it was not a statement made in frustration but in true reverence.
I can gain weight or lose weight but I will always have a little too much skin and I will always have marshmallowy hips and boobs and thighs.
I'm okay with this. I spent years hating my body and trying to change it. Then I saw what my body could do. I could with almost no effort and a small contribution from my studly husband, create a totally new human life and then sustain that life with food from my own person. How can you hate a body that can perform a trick like that? Not to mention that both times I was in labor I felt no pain. This is a long story for another time, but I found out that my body while it will never be athletic or lean, was made for making babies. Solid healthy cute babies with thick rolls on their legs and cheeks that jiggle when they walk.
So back to my epiphany... It wasn't like I all of a sudden had a desire to drop weight or run a marathon, I just realized that we as a family would all be better off if we moved around more and sat on the couch less. I want to be an active family where we do fun things like swimming and running around because we want to. I want the kids to have healthy habits and I probably need to lead by example. Plus the YMCA has free childcare that is awesome and once I went down there to join, I discovered that pretty much everyone I know goes there already. It was like discovering a secret club. Jack already knew half of the kids in the childcare and it was a party for all of us the first time we went.
The second time we went things didn't go as smoothly. I wanted to do a class and John just wanted to do weights and he wasn't ready to leave when I was so we decided to go separately. I took Abe and he took Jack. On the way there I called a doctor that I needed to cancel and was told that rescheduling the appointment would cost $175.00. Okay, change in plans. Now I don't have time to workout because I have to go to the doctor. I turned around and tried calling John. no answer. I took Abe to my mother-in-law's and arranged a ride to and from preschool for Jack. Still no answer from John. Oh well. He'll call me when he starts wondering where I am, right?
So here's what happened: John left his phone at home and got to the Y and checked Jack into the childcare. He didn't see me but assumed I was in class and went and worked out. When he got done, he went to check Jack out and the log had showed that Jack was already checked out. So he assumed that I had finished before him and taken both kids. Much later, Preschool calls and asks why Jack is not there. John calls me and asks why I didn't put Jack in Preschool. At this point I'm sitting in a doctor's office 65 miles away. Where is Jack? John thought I had him. I thought John had him. The YMCA was minutes away from calling CPS about an abandoned child. They close for lunch and Jack was the only kid left. Once we figured out what had happened John drove like a bat out of hell back to the YMCA. I would have liked to have seen him break traffic laws. He was panicked. The staff at the Y probably thinks we are either neglectful or low IQ, although we never did get to the bottom of why there were initials next to Jack's name showing him checked out. Poor kid. It reminds me of the time my mom left Stephanie at a McDonald's in Scottsdale and didn't notice she was missing until they were home 45 minutes later. Steph seems to have turned out so maybe Jack won't be permanently damaged either.
Alright, I know this post is getting long but I just had to say one more thing about the Y. There is no beginner Yoga class, only advanced Yoga. I am naturally flexible so I did this class and felt like a rockstar because it was REALLY HARD and I did every pose. Two full days have now passed since this Yoga class and I am so sore that I could probably qualify for a disabled parking plate. I can barely walk or sit or lay down without every muscle in my body protesting. I'm not such a Yoga rockstar after all. I'm more like an eighty year old who has been hit by a truck.


Chelsey Howard said...

That is hilarious. I know at the time it wasn't but I can laugh right?!

Tara said...

That's hilarious :)

Scrap Happy said...


You can come kickboxing with me any Friday.

Amanda said...

No way! Scary.

Courtney said...

I love this story. Super entertaining.

Kara said...

ha, ha, I joined the secret club, too. Only it wasn't a secret to me, I was just too lazy. Today was my 2nd day and it was apparently much smoother than your 2nd day! Hope you still go anyhow...:) Maybe we will see you there sometime!

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Kramer Boys