Random Pictures

My dad is my most loyal blog follower and he let me know today that I need to post more often. Here is a post to keep my fan happy. Enjoy dad....

When Grandpa comes over, Abe can't get enough of him. Its no secret that Abe is my dad's favorite grandchild. He loves all of his grandkids but these two have a special bond. Its precious.

I walked in the other day to find Ham like this. There is nothing like watching cartoons in the nude.

Yet another incident of nudity in precarious places.
I love this picture of my handsome boys. I swear Abe wears clothes occasionally, even if I don't have any photographic evidence of this claim.

This is a sample of Jack's sidewalk chalk drawings. Can you tell that he is the son of a police officer? His drawings usually involve bad guys getting busted by cops. He reads Highlights Magazine and he really wants to have one of his drawings published in the section where kids send in artwork. I encouraged him to draw something and promised I'd send it in. Lets just say that unless Highlights magazine gets taken over by the National Rifle Association, his drawing will probably not make the cut.
This is one of Jack's favorite pastimes. This is probably as close as any of my children will ever come to having a tan.

Amazing Marolyn

I want to take a minute to brag. I have the coolest mom in all the history of moms. I am not exaggerating to make her feel loved on her 63rd birthday, I am simply stating the facts. If you know Marolyn then you know that she is in fact one of the most amazing people on the face of the planet. If you don't have to good fortune of knowing her then let me give you a brief overview of this spectacular human being.

She is incredibly smart. She has a doctorate degree in Education and a Masters in counseling. She knows pretty much everything there is to know about child development and child discipline. I have an expert (literally) a phone call away when ever I need any advice about anything. She manages to always give helpful advice without being intrusive or making you feel judged, and she is always tactful and loving. We are best friends and I can talk to her about anything. She does paid public speaking gigs where she imparts her life wisdom to hundreds of people at a time, yet I have her at my disposal 24 hours a day. She is there for me whenever I need her. This is such a huge comfort to me. She is my rock.

Marolyn is the most devoted grandmother I have ever seen. She gets on the floor and wrestles with the boys and she spend hours playing dolls with the girls. She can always be counted on to bring presents and to read books. She connects with each child and takes the time to really know them. She is full of games and fun but she is also no pushover. Emma used to call her "Grandma time-out" because no matter how fun she is, she doesn't let those little ones get away with anything. She has an endless attention span for kid stuff and each of her grand kids know they are deeply loved.

My mom is a spiritual giant. She took four children to church every Sunday our entire life all by herself. I am only now beginning to understand how hard she worked. At the time it seemed so effortless but now I can appreciate what hard work goes into raising kids. Her testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ never wavered. She set an example of spiritual living that was real and accessible. I never felt preached to, it was just obvious that mom's strength and peace came from being anchored in Christ and as a result none of her children ever wanted to go another way. All four of us are married in the temple and three of us are returned missionaries. Instead of telling us "Don't smoke and drink." She would have long meaningful discussions with us about the freedom that is inherently found in righteousness and that our bodies are precious and the commandments are to protect us. She made the Gospel make sense and she never underestimated our ability to grasp doctrine. She is humble and real.

My mom gives without measure. 42 years of marriage, four children, fifteen grandchildren, a full time job, church callings, charity work, you name it. There is nothing this woman can't do. Last year she traveled to India to train teachers in leper colonies. This year she went to Argentina as part of an exchange program after winning the very prestigious Fulbright Award. The year before that it was Mexico. She has been selected as Teacher of the Year twice. Once for the State of Arizona and once for her school district. She wrote a book. The woman has a resume you wouldn't believe. It gets so ridiculous that it sounds like I'm making this stuff up.

My mom wrote me a letter every day of my entire mission. She literally never missed a day. ever. They weren't just postcards either. She wrote a long single-spaced typed letter every single day. Other missionaries would go months without a letter from their families but I never had an empty mailbox even once. Her letters were legendary. She never missed a day on my sister Stephanie's mission either. I have never questioned my mom's unconditional love for me.

She accomplishes feats of service that others only dream about. I will give you an example. The other day I was at her house and saw big bags of stuff in the garage. When I asked what was in there she showed me how she had single-handedly organized more than 1000 hygiene, newborn and school supply kits to send to impoverished nations as a humanitarian project. She told me about it in passing as if it was no biggie. Keep in mind that she accomplishes all of this while holding a very demanding full time job as an assistant principal at a K-8 school with over 1000 students. Serving others is second nature to her. This year alone she has extracted over 300,000 names to the family history center of the church and she teaches primary every Sunday to boot. In addition to this impressive resume her house is always clean and she is always dressed cute with accessories matching he outfit and her makeup done. She is hilarious too. Always optimistic and easy to entertain. I could go on for hours.

The most spectacular part about her is that she pulls it all off and still manages to be completely likable and approachable. You can't help but get sucked into her orbit because she has an uncanny ability to put people at ease and make them feel important. In high school I had friends who would come over to my house even when I wasn't there because they wanted to hang out with my mom. I dream about being this kind of mother to my boys.

I marvel at how lucky I am to have a mother like this. I am so proud to be her daughter and so grateful that my children have such an amazing grandma. I amazed that a person can be so wonderful yet so unpretentious and down-to-earth. I want to be just like her in every way when I grow up.

I love you, Mom. Thank you for being my perfect example of womanhood. Strength, courage, beauty, intelligence, faith, humor, and humility. I am so happy to be your daughter. Happy Birthday from your #1 fan.

Halloween chez les Kramers

I was pretty excited for Halloween this year since it would be Abe's first Halloween where he is old enough to grasp the concept of going door to door for free candy. Turns out I jumped the gun a little in my excitement. His attention span for this tradition lasted exactly one house. He enjoyed the unhindered knocking and he liked the dogs that came to the door, but he absolutely refused to accept candy from a stranger. Perhaps he was afraid of contracting swine flu, or it might have been that he was too busy offering open mouthed kisses to two Terriers. I should also note that he was dressed in a heavily padded dragon getup and that right before we began he took the liberty of stepping into the shower fully costumed. He was sloshing around in the cold night air leaving wet tracks everywhere he walked. It made him a little bit cranky but I'm hoping he will think twice about sneaking showers next time.

Jack made a haul of candy. Every year in our house we get a visit from the Candy Fairy. If you leave all of your Halloween candy on the back patio, the Candy Fairy will come and take it and leave you money. Jack gets to go to the store and buy a toy and we don't have to have tons of sugar hanging around the house for weeks. I have heard that the Fairy takes it and puts it in the break room at the Police Department. We don't care what she does with it, we just want it gone. If you read our Halloween blog post last year, you might remember that the Candy Fairy left a twenty dollar bill. This year she spent all of her money on sod for the backyard and was forced to leave considerably less, with most of it in quarters. She may have borrowed these quarters from Jack's piggy bank because by the time Jack left the candy out it was way too late to run to an ATM, but we know the Candy Fairy is good for a loan.

I love passing out candy to Trick-or-Treaters. I love making a big fuss over every cute costume and I love to make snide comments to the teenagers who come by without a costume on "Is it politically correct to dress up as a retarded person? You are brave! Here's an extra treat for realism!"

My kids love passing out candy too. Jack got so involved with the customer service of it all. He waited by the door to open it before they knocked "so that it would be easier for them". Then he moved his set-up to the driveway "so they wouldn't have to come all the way to the door". Eventually he was on the sidewalk "so they could just get the candy while they passed by". He also gave away his own candy after we ran out because he couldn't bear to turn a customer away. His generosity may have been motivated by the above mentioned fact that he was going to sell it all anyway, but I was still impressed with his sweetness.
Free access to the root beer dispenser was pretty much the greatest thing that has ever happened to Abe. Isn't he a cute little dragon!

we chased SUPERNANNY away

If you read my last post then you know that I volunteered our families to be on the show Super Nanny. Before I go on, let me just say that I recognize that I am probably crazy for wanting to do this. I realize that I am like Lucille Ball on I love Lucy. Always cooking up harebrained schemes and getting myself into cartooninshly ridiculous situations. All I am ever really after is a little entertainment.

So back to Super Nanny, the casting director and one of the producers were interested in featuring Kristen's and my family for an episode because we have an interesting situation with the two households right next door. The kids have to deal with four different parents and two sets of house rules. The six of them are kind of being raised like siblings which brings a very unique set of advantages and problems. Like any family we have lots of issues we could use help with and I think we are a good mix of relate-able and entertaining problems. I have been corresponding with the producers for a couple of weeks and they decided to come film us to see if they could catch anything on film. In addition they have asked us to get home video of any behaviors that we would like to address. We have not been officially selected for the show, but we are very far along in the process. ABC flew two people out to get footage of us so at this point I would be surprised if they didn't go ahead with it. They are very hesitant to tell you that you will be on for sure because there is always the chance that when they tape the kids behave perfectly, or the parents don't pass a background check or a number of other things that are highly unlikely.

They came on Thursday afternoon and the plan was to film the after school routine and then do something that we would like to do on a regular basis but are prevented from doing because of our children's behavior. Kristen took all four of her kids to the grocery store by herself with a camera woman in tow and then we all met up for dinner at a restaurant. The Gartner's have literally never eaten out as a family. After dinner we were going to come back to the houses and film the bedtime routine. They told us to plan on them being with us until 9 or 10 pm.

Let me just cut to the chase: dinner went so awesomely horrible that before the food even got served Kristen and Rob had to pack up and leave the restaurant. Her kids were so crazy and all over the place that we couldn't even stay long enough to eat.

The best part was the two women from the show. They were so clearly horrified and just wanted to get away from us. Candra and Shannon are their names and they are ultra professional show-biz women. They are young (in their twenties) and gorgeous L.A. gals with graduate degrees and high paced careers. They travel all over the country and work 90 hour work weeks climbing the corporate ladder. They are both single with no children and are terrified of getting sick. Every time one of the kids sneezed or coughed you could see the two women recoil in fear. I don't blame them. These kids are a walking bio-hazard.

Here's a little breakdown of the dinner mayhem:

Emma threatened to puke because she wanted to get her way on something. Ella was at the tail end of a cold and had been on a field trip to a farm that day where she had contacted farm animals which triggered an allergic reaction so she was coughing and hacking so hard across the dinner table that the entire restaurant was staring. Between coughing fits she would get up and just wander around. Christopher cried and/or screamed literally the entire time. This is not an exaggeration. He hadn't had a nap that day and he absolutely would not shut up. He has some developmental delays and can't talk so he generally uses screaming as a means of communication. The camera seemed to make him turn the volume to eleven. After a while my husband couldn't take it anymore and hauled Christopher out to the parking lot even though its not his kid. Abe and Clark each took turns choking on pieces of tortilla chip and spilling drinks. I think in the 20 minutes we were there we spilled four full glasses of water and administered the Heimlich maneuver three times. The grand finale was when Emma made herself throw up. The camera was fixed on her and she vomited about a gallon of barf all over herself, all over her plate, and into a glass. I think I caught Shannon gagging a little. I know I gagged. I asked her if she got that shot on tape. She looked at me and said in disgust "Unfortunately, I got the whole thing"

The puking was the money shot. Especially in light of the fact that Emma wasn't even sick and had previously threatened to throw up if she didn't get her way. This is SuperNanny gold right? Well it will be if the producers can stick it out with us. We may have been too much. After Kristen and her family left the restaurant it felt (and looked) like a tornado had just passed through. Candra and Shannon told me that since there were a lot of sick kids they would rather come back when everything is normal. Little do they know that this is normal. They are coming back on Wednesday and I guarantee that someone will have a hacking cough and someone will puke. The problem is, it just might be Candra or Shannon.

There are so many things I could write about in regard to offering up our child rearing problems to a national audience. It is nerve wracking to scrutinize every word that comes out of my mouth. Am I being too lenient? Am I being too strict? My kids were pretty well behaved for the camera which is both a relief and a disappointment. I never thought I would be hoping that my child would throw a temper tantrum. Luckily Kristen's kids came through for us in the tantrum department. That twenty minute dinner had enough reality show material for an entire season and I didn't even see how the grocery store went. Kristen said her kids were "out of control", so that's good. Kristen and Rob's tolerance for naughtiness is higher than anyone I have ever known so it must have been bad.

I'll keep you updated on what happens. At this point I would be totally fine with it if we got rejected or accepted. I have yet to watch an episode of Super Nanny besides a few snippets here and there. I was thinking of going online to see what they are like but then I figured I would probably just freak myself out and decided against it.

Super Nanny is coming to town

I have a few blogging pet peeves. One of them is people who only blog to complain about how crazy busy they are and the other is people who only ever blog about how they are so behind on blogging. I am about to commit both of these blogging sins. I am going to complain about my crazy busy life as an explaination of why I haven’t been blogging lately. I know, annoying, right? If you share my pet peeves, you should click away right now.

First of all the whole family has been sick. By whole family I mean my kids and Kristen’s kids, so that’s 6 pair of constantly runny eyes and snotty noses. Yesterday Jack and Abe were diagnosed with pink eye and ear infections and of course they refuse to take the medicine or let us put drops in their eyes so we have to literally sit on their chests and hold their heads between our knees and restrain their arms while the other parent tries to pry open their eyelids and drop in the antibiotics. This must go on every three hours for the next seven days. Its pretty awesome. I haven’t caught the cold yet but my joint stuff is flared up so bad right now I can barely function. I was supposed to go in for a third biopsy this week but I haven’t been able to make myself go. They take a little scoop of skin out and then cauterize the wound. They numb the area while they do it but the problem is the gaping festering wound that lingers for weeks and weeks afterwards. I need to just suck it up and go in.

I have also taken on the job of liquidating hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of spa equipment for my brother after he closed his spas down. When I agreed to do it, I guess I had forgotten how hard it is to actually accomplish a grown-up task (like a phone call) without being interrupted by screaming children. It has all come back to me now. If you are interested in a microdermabrasion machine of your very own or a storage unit full of really nice furniture, I’m the one to call.

Speaking of working, I have an opportunity to go back to work doing commercial leasing. I would be renting office space to businesses. This is what I did for years and years. I have enough experience in this exact niche that I could do it in my sleep. It pays on commission and the money is ridiculously good but it is time consuming and I’d have to figure out childcare two days a week. Its not something I can do half way and I am struggling to decide if I want to commit to this. It’s an amazing opportunity in an economy where jobs are hard to come by, and the whole thing just fell into my lap. I do miss working sometimes and we do need the money. John works weekends and Jack is in school all day so all I would need is care for Ham two days a week, maybe even just one day. I am sure my in-laws would help. I would hire a cleaning lady to pick up the slack in the household and I could do a lot of the work by phone and computer. I would have to drive a lot and I hate thinking about being away from home for long. Can you tell I’m agonizing over the decision?

We had houseguests this week. A good friend from my mission, Elder Steve Smith and his wife and three kids came into town for a wedding and stayed with us for a few days. It was so much fun to get caught up with him and his family is absolutely delightful. They have boys similar in age to my boys and then a tiny three month old baby who was born two months premature so she is the size of a tiny newborn. They drove all the way from Texas and we had so much fun with them. There is a bond that you get with mission buddies that you just can’t get anywhere else. They know you on a certain level that no one else can and you share a common experience that is impossible to explain to a person who wasn’t there experiencing it. Steve and I served together in Metz, France at the beginning of our missions and then again in Brussels at the end of our missions. He was a great missionary and one of only a handful that I keep in touch with. It is so fun to see how everyone’s lives have turned out so far.

Have you ever watched the show Super Nanny? In our house Super Nanny is a verb. As in: These crazy kids need to be Super Nannied, or My friend has a hard time disciplining her son, she needs to be Super Nannied. (Incidentally, we are also always threatening to “Ceasar” our dogs) My point is, we are being Supernannied. Yes, you read that right. Super Nanny is coming to our house on Thursday to film our family and see if Nanny Jo can help us with our parenting challenges.

It’s a long long story. One that I may eventually take the time to write, but right now I don’t have time because I would rather die than have my house look messy on national television. The yard is not done and for that we may be doomed to look like white trash, but until this whole thing is over, I am obsessed with cleaning. The producer was very adamant about “acting normal” and just letting the house look like it always does on any given day… Yeah right. I am more than willing to exploit my children for five grand and fifteen minutes of fame, but look like a crappy housekeeper on TV? No. Freaking. Way. It’s a good excuse to do some spring cleaning.

I have never even watched SuperNanny. They were looking for families who lived close by one another to feature and when they heard that Kristen and I are sisters who are right next door with connected yards they were all over it. Between the two families and six kids, I’m sure we will provide plenty of material. I’m hoping the whole thing will be good fun and family memories. Years from now I picture us saying, “Hey remember when we were on Super Nanny! That was so funny! Lets watch the DVD.” And not “Remember when we went on prime time television and they showed me pooping my pants? My therapist says I need to forgive you for that.” We are far too committed to the whole thing to turn back at this point so I’m keeping my fingers crossed that we don’t end up looking like total idiots and my kids don't end up scarred for life.

Alrighty…If you got this far reading then you are a true friend. Either that or really really bored. Now you have heard my excuses for not blogging more regularly. I swear I will never blog about not blogging ever again. Thank you for listening to my long rant. I am open to any advice, suggestions, criticism or comments so lay ‘em on me.

1990 2nd place family doubles bowling Trophy

Jack and John went "hiking" in the orchard behind our neighborhood this week. They do this often and usually come across a lot of really interesting items. To my dismay, these items are usually brought home for display or further study. Last time it was an animal skull and a backpack full of rocks. You get the idea.

This time was different. Jack found the greatest treasure he has ever found (his words). Two 1990 2nd place family doubles bowling trophies. You have never seen a person so proud of a trophy that they didn't actually win. He has carried them around the house for days and moves them to different prominent places. He doesn't really even know what bowling is but he is now planning a championship bowling career.

Can you believe that someone would throw away such a treasure!?

Incentive to be good

Most of you know I'm a big fan of behavior charts. Jack responds so well to them. When I know he wants something I like to milk it for all its worth and get him to earn it. He has been begging to walk to QT, so I decided to make a chart where he could earn points for any good behavior. I gave him a list of things that could earn a point. Going a day without a potty accident, doing good deeds, sharing your toys, not fighting with your cousins, going to bed without arguing, eating vegetables, etc. The chart was posted on the fridge and hopefully we will soon be enjoying the spoils of QT.

A few minutes after we talked about this new chart, Jack got to work on a project of his own. It was a chart for me. He told me that I can earn a special present if I fill my chart. The present will be a slushee from QT (you can see this illustrated on the side) I suppose that's fair. He can monitor my behavior and give me a present if he wants to, I guess. "How do I earn points, Jack?"

He didn't hesitate at all. He knew exactly how I could fill the chart. "By not fighting with dad."

Wow.... There's a guilt trip like I have never known. Ouch.

So, I am repenting of the petty arguing that goes on in our household and I am committed to earning Jack's special present. There is nothing like a 5 year old to put you in your place.