Cover up attempt

I spent the morning reading Love and Logic for Early Childhood. Its the best parenting book out there and I find myself re-reading it regularly to avoid strangling my children. Jack is lucky that I was in the Love and Logic frame of mind when I found this:

There was this strange note posted on the door reminding any bathroom users to turn off the lights when they are done. I knew immediately that this sign was more than a five year old's attempt to encourage energy conservation in the household. Upon closer inspection I found this:

He accidentally punched a hole in the bathroom door with a big stick. This particular stick has been recently outlawed and I specifically told him the reason for banning the stick was that something will be damaged.

There are a number of things I could say about this cover up attempt. Its an interesting insight into his little brain. I think he was hoping that I would just leave the sign on the door forever and never see the hole. Also I would like to point out the use of exclamation marks that continue on the second line. It would have been really hilarious except that the door is destroyed.

My first instinct was to beat him senseless with the above mentioned stick.

Instead I had the following conversation:

"Wow, this is a very sad situation. It looks like you made a choice that ended up ruining my door. What is your plan to make this all better, Jack?

"I don't know how to fix a hole in a door! I'm only five! You have to fix it!"

I would fix it if I were the one who did it but I'm not. In fact, this is the very reason I don't swing sticks around in the house. Because I don't know how to fix holes in things. This door has to be replaced and so you'll need to get the money to me as soon as possible."

"But I don't have any money!"

"Maybe you can sell some of your toys or earn money doing extra house work. I'm sure you'll come up with something. You're a smart kid"

"Great. Now I have to write another letter to Santa asking for toys and money."

So I put a new bathroom door on the list of Christmas expenses. And for the sake of everyone I have removed the big stick from the premises permanently. On the bright side of things, maybe he will be more likely to turn off the bathroom light when he's done now.

Questioning Santa

Jack is five. He is at a really fun age for the magic of Christmas. He believes in Santa wholeheartedly, but he is also a really smart kid who thinks everything through. Lately he has come up with a few practical questions about how this whole thing works and I have a feeling that his days of believing in Santa Clause are numbered.

This morning I sent him to school with a new unwrapped present to donate to the toy drive that the school is hosting. It was a really cool motorcycle that makes noise and runs when you push a button. He wanted it and totally refused to give it up. He threw a big fit about wanting to keep it. I was ticked. I explained to him that it was never his to begin with, that it wasn't purchased with his money and that he already has plenty of toys and will be getting even more at Christmas. I explained that this toy would provide Christmas for some child who would otherwise get nothing. We have so much and so many people have so little. There are families in our own community who don't even have enough to eat, let alone toy motorcycles.

He looked at me and scoffed "Why don't they just get what they need from Santa Clause?" his wheels were turning. "And why do you always tell me stuff I want for Christmas is too expensive if you're not buying it anyway?"

"Uuuuuhhh..... Well Jack, Thats a good question..." I was totally stumped. I want to answer his questions honestly and I want him to have an appreciation for the things he has and the money spent on him, but I don't want to squash the magic of Santa for him at five years old. He wanted to know what a parent's income has to do with anything if we all get all of our presents from Santa anyway. He wouldn't let me change the subject. He was thinking hard about it and he wanted answers.

I told him that yes Santa brings the stuff and yes he makes a naughty list and a nice list and stuff but theres no way in the world that one guy could afford to buy all of those toys for everyone so we pay him money for the toys he brings. By donating the toys, we are helping Santa bring toys to the kids whose parents can't pay anything. Jack countered that Santa makes the toys in his workshop with his elves. I explained that he has to pay the elves and it costs money to run the North Pole so he needs the parents to pay and some parents just cant afford it.

The whole answer was awkward and unsettling. Jack could sense that something is messed up with the whole program. I wish I had had more time to think about it but even then I don't know what is the best way to explain this without ruining it. John was listening in to the whole conversation and he was horrified. He says I "used the nuclear option" but he didn't have any better ideas either. In my defense, I didn't tell Jack there is no Santa, I just turned him into a capatalist. He's jolly and generous and magical but he doesn't show up unless his invoice is paid in full.

So toy drives are a great thing but I'm starting to realize that maybe we should leave the kids out of it. I think I will try to find other ways of fostering holiday generosity because Jack is too smart for his own good sometimes. This is one of those parenting challenges that I probably screwed up on and I will know better with the next one. The oldest child in every family is the guinea pig in a lot of ways. Sorry Wack, if it makes you feel any better, we will screw up less on your siblings.

Nightmare

Last night at about 2 am I heard a blood curdling scream coming from Jack's room. As a mom you get to where you know all of your kid's screams and what they mean. This one I had never heard before because it was so full of pure terror. I went running into his room honestly expecting to find a masked gunman kidnapping him. As I ran down the hall the thought crossed my mind that I should have grabbed one of John's guns.... that's how bad the screaming was. When I got in there he was standing on the bed. I grabbed him to see if he was hurt or sick, "What is wrong!?!?"

His screaming answer: (and this is an exact quote) "I want candy and presents!"

Candy and Presents? Apparently he had a nightmare that Christmas had come and he didn't get any candy or presents. My first thought was that perhaps I have been threatening the naughty list a little too much. My next thought was that if this is the worst nightmare the kid can come up with, his life is pretty good.

He then laid down and went to sleep. Actually I don't think he ever was awake. He doesn't remember any of it this morning.

Jack doesn't need to worry about Christmas. Santa is bringing an X-box much to my dismay. I'm a little worried that video games will become just one more thing to police around here but I have heard that the built in parental controls and timers are awesome. Now I just have to set it up so that I have the password and no one else does (including Santa and Santa's co-conspiritor John).

My christmas present this year is that one of my dearest friends, Diane Vernizeau is coming to spend a week with us for Christmas. She was a person I taught on my mission and she is the most intelligent, beautiful, spiritual, kind person I know. We haven't seen each other for years, but she is in the states doing post docterate work in international law at UC Berkley, and we get to have her here for the Holiday. I am so happy about her visit I can barely contain myself.

Trimming the tree by the light of the full moon

I never intended this blog to be a chronicle of inappropriate nudity but how could I resist posting this shot?

Random Pictures

My dad is my most loyal blog follower and he let me know today that I need to post more often. Here is a post to keep my fan happy. Enjoy dad....

When Grandpa comes over, Abe can't get enough of him. Its no secret that Abe is my dad's favorite grandchild. He loves all of his grandkids but these two have a special bond. Its precious.

I walked in the other day to find Ham like this. There is nothing like watching cartoons in the nude.

Yet another incident of nudity in precarious places.
I love this picture of my handsome boys. I swear Abe wears clothes occasionally, even if I don't have any photographic evidence of this claim.

This is a sample of Jack's sidewalk chalk drawings. Can you tell that he is the son of a police officer? His drawings usually involve bad guys getting busted by cops. He reads Highlights Magazine and he really wants to have one of his drawings published in the section where kids send in artwork. I encouraged him to draw something and promised I'd send it in. Lets just say that unless Highlights magazine gets taken over by the National Rifle Association, his drawing will probably not make the cut.
This is one of Jack's favorite pastimes. This is probably as close as any of my children will ever come to having a tan.

Amazing Marolyn

I want to take a minute to brag. I have the coolest mom in all the history of moms. I am not exaggerating to make her feel loved on her 63rd birthday, I am simply stating the facts. If you know Marolyn then you know that she is in fact one of the most amazing people on the face of the planet. If you don't have to good fortune of knowing her then let me give you a brief overview of this spectacular human being.

She is incredibly smart. She has a doctorate degree in Education and a Masters in counseling. She knows pretty much everything there is to know about child development and child discipline. I have an expert (literally) a phone call away when ever I need any advice about anything. She manages to always give helpful advice without being intrusive or making you feel judged, and she is always tactful and loving. We are best friends and I can talk to her about anything. She does paid public speaking gigs where she imparts her life wisdom to hundreds of people at a time, yet I have her at my disposal 24 hours a day. She is there for me whenever I need her. This is such a huge comfort to me. She is my rock.

Marolyn is the most devoted grandmother I have ever seen. She gets on the floor and wrestles with the boys and she spend hours playing dolls with the girls. She can always be counted on to bring presents and to read books. She connects with each child and takes the time to really know them. She is full of games and fun but she is also no pushover. Emma used to call her "Grandma time-out" because no matter how fun she is, she doesn't let those little ones get away with anything. She has an endless attention span for kid stuff and each of her grand kids know they are deeply loved.

My mom is a spiritual giant. She took four children to church every Sunday our entire life all by herself. I am only now beginning to understand how hard she worked. At the time it seemed so effortless but now I can appreciate what hard work goes into raising kids. Her testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ never wavered. She set an example of spiritual living that was real and accessible. I never felt preached to, it was just obvious that mom's strength and peace came from being anchored in Christ and as a result none of her children ever wanted to go another way. All four of us are married in the temple and three of us are returned missionaries. Instead of telling us "Don't smoke and drink." She would have long meaningful discussions with us about the freedom that is inherently found in righteousness and that our bodies are precious and the commandments are to protect us. She made the Gospel make sense and she never underestimated our ability to grasp doctrine. She is humble and real.

My mom gives without measure. 42 years of marriage, four children, fifteen grandchildren, a full time job, church callings, charity work, you name it. There is nothing this woman can't do. Last year she traveled to India to train teachers in leper colonies. This year she went to Argentina as part of an exchange program after winning the very prestigious Fulbright Award. The year before that it was Mexico. She has been selected as Teacher of the Year twice. Once for the State of Arizona and once for her school district. She wrote a book. The woman has a resume you wouldn't believe. It gets so ridiculous that it sounds like I'm making this stuff up.

My mom wrote me a letter every day of my entire mission. She literally never missed a day. ever. They weren't just postcards either. She wrote a long single-spaced typed letter every single day. Other missionaries would go months without a letter from their families but I never had an empty mailbox even once. Her letters were legendary. She never missed a day on my sister Stephanie's mission either. I have never questioned my mom's unconditional love for me.

She accomplishes feats of service that others only dream about. I will give you an example. The other day I was at her house and saw big bags of stuff in the garage. When I asked what was in there she showed me how she had single-handedly organized more than 1000 hygiene, newborn and school supply kits to send to impoverished nations as a humanitarian project. She told me about it in passing as if it was no biggie. Keep in mind that she accomplishes all of this while holding a very demanding full time job as an assistant principal at a K-8 school with over 1000 students. Serving others is second nature to her. This year alone she has extracted over 300,000 names to the family history center of the church and she teaches primary every Sunday to boot. In addition to this impressive resume her house is always clean and she is always dressed cute with accessories matching he outfit and her makeup done. She is hilarious too. Always optimistic and easy to entertain. I could go on for hours.

The most spectacular part about her is that she pulls it all off and still manages to be completely likable and approachable. You can't help but get sucked into her orbit because she has an uncanny ability to put people at ease and make them feel important. In high school I had friends who would come over to my house even when I wasn't there because they wanted to hang out with my mom. I dream about being this kind of mother to my boys.

I marvel at how lucky I am to have a mother like this. I am so proud to be her daughter and so grateful that my children have such an amazing grandma. I amazed that a person can be so wonderful yet so unpretentious and down-to-earth. I want to be just like her in every way when I grow up.

I love you, Mom. Thank you for being my perfect example of womanhood. Strength, courage, beauty, intelligence, faith, humor, and humility. I am so happy to be your daughter. Happy Birthday from your #1 fan.

Halloween chez les Kramers

I was pretty excited for Halloween this year since it would be Abe's first Halloween where he is old enough to grasp the concept of going door to door for free candy. Turns out I jumped the gun a little in my excitement. His attention span for this tradition lasted exactly one house. He enjoyed the unhindered knocking and he liked the dogs that came to the door, but he absolutely refused to accept candy from a stranger. Perhaps he was afraid of contracting swine flu, or it might have been that he was too busy offering open mouthed kisses to two Terriers. I should also note that he was dressed in a heavily padded dragon getup and that right before we began he took the liberty of stepping into the shower fully costumed. He was sloshing around in the cold night air leaving wet tracks everywhere he walked. It made him a little bit cranky but I'm hoping he will think twice about sneaking showers next time.

Jack made a haul of candy. Every year in our house we get a visit from the Candy Fairy. If you leave all of your Halloween candy on the back patio, the Candy Fairy will come and take it and leave you money. Jack gets to go to the store and buy a toy and we don't have to have tons of sugar hanging around the house for weeks. I have heard that the Fairy takes it and puts it in the break room at the Police Department. We don't care what she does with it, we just want it gone. If you read our Halloween blog post last year, you might remember that the Candy Fairy left a twenty dollar bill. This year she spent all of her money on sod for the backyard and was forced to leave considerably less, with most of it in quarters. She may have borrowed these quarters from Jack's piggy bank because by the time Jack left the candy out it was way too late to run to an ATM, but we know the Candy Fairy is good for a loan.

I love passing out candy to Trick-or-Treaters. I love making a big fuss over every cute costume and I love to make snide comments to the teenagers who come by without a costume on "Is it politically correct to dress up as a retarded person? You are brave! Here's an extra treat for realism!"

My kids love passing out candy too. Jack got so involved with the customer service of it all. He waited by the door to open it before they knocked "so that it would be easier for them". Then he moved his set-up to the driveway "so they wouldn't have to come all the way to the door". Eventually he was on the sidewalk "so they could just get the candy while they passed by". He also gave away his own candy after we ran out because he couldn't bear to turn a customer away. His generosity may have been motivated by the above mentioned fact that he was going to sell it all anyway, but I was still impressed with his sweetness.
Free access to the root beer dispenser was pretty much the greatest thing that has ever happened to Abe. Isn't he a cute little dragon!