Saturday, August 1, 2009
Safes Are Ironically, Very Unsafe
As most of you probably know, we have a very large and very expensive gun collection. To match our large expensive gun collection we have a large expensive safe. We have installed it in the giant closet under the stairs. The whole point of the safe is to lock things into it in a manner that they are very difficult to get out unless you know exactly what the combination is and exactly how to work the very complicated locking mechanism. I do not know the combination nor have I ever cared to know. This was all well and good until Jack got locked inside by his cousin Emma. John is the only person who knows how to open it and he was twenty miles away at work. In case you are wondering, yes it is airtight. Yes, Jack was panicking inside there in the dark, and yes, I was frantic.
I was on the phone with John getting instructions on opening it but I could not open the thing. I tried fifty times. I tried everything I could think of. I could not open it. John was headed home going code 3. These are the times I am so glad that John has lights and sirens at his disposal. I considered calling the fire department but I don't even know what they would have done about it. I guess they could have busted out a grinder and the Jaws of Life but I knew John could get to us and get it open quicker anyway. Plus I really preferred to leave the thing intact. Finally John got here and opened it on his first attempt. I still have no idea how he got it to work. I did that combination so many times unsuccessfully that I was starting to think it was broken. I was relieved when John opened it on his first try.
When I got my hands on Jack I couldn't decide weather to hug and kiss him or lecture him about not playing in the safe. I did a little of both. Actually, I did a lot of both. My mom was here for the ordeal and she handled the lecturing of Emma. She made Emma apologize to Jack. When she did Jack said "You need to tell my mom sorry." I think he recognizes that having your five year old locked in a dark safe is almost worse than actually being locked in a dark safe.