Staci's Book of Mormon Reading Program

I am compelled to write and tell anyone who will listen all about my new scripture reading program. First of all let me tell you that I have already read all of the standard works multiple times and I have a testimony that every word comes from God. With that said, I was still having a life-long struggle to consistently read the Book of Mormon every day. Its frustrating because I know I should, I know the blessings one recieves from scripture study, and I really want my children to have a mother who studies the words of God every day. Between our stops and sdtarts as a family, and my own unfinished starts, I have read 1 Nephi probably hundreds of times. We always start off good and then we hit those Isiah Chapters in 2 Nephi and we stall out. I am one of those people who loves taking on a big project, but the details of followup and finishing? not so much. I always feel so guilty about being such a scripture flake. So in an effort to actually solve my little problem and therefore reap the blessings that I know await me if I can just be a little more diligent I decided to make a couple of admissions. The first one you will probably relate to, and the second one you will probably be offended by, even though I know you will relate to me on this one as well. First, I need stimulating things to read in order for me to pay attention long enough to get it. I have a small case of scripture study ADD. My mind wanders and I can never keep track of which Nephi is which or who begat who. Instead of beating myself up about this, I'm going to EMBRACE it. Second, Its time for me to admit that the Book of Mormon is mostly boring. really boring. And in this day and age it has to compete with reality TV, the Internet and even Conference Talks. I would rather listen to Jeffery R Holland tell it in his powerful way all day long than wade through the allegory of the Olive Tree. I'd rather see who got kicked off American Idol than hear about horrible violent wars. I know, its offensive. My point is I've decided to EMBRACE the fact that the Book of Mormon is mostly boring too. Between these two epiphanies, I came up with a new study program that has literally changed my life. It has taken me from reading occassionally and then feeling bad about it to devouring the scriptures everyday and having a guaranteed daily spiritual experience. I call my program "Only Read the Awesome Chapters" I know, the name needs work, but I'm telling you it changed my spiritual life. The book of Mormon is about 70% boring but the other 30% is AMAZING! Find the amazing chapters and skip the rest and vow to not feel bad about the stuff you skip. Ether 12, Alma 32, Moroni 7, Mosiah 4, Read about Enos' amazing repentance. Read about how justice and mercy work together in Alma 42, read about the brother of Jared seeing the finger of the Lord, Read King Benjamin's address. Read Lehi's dream. Read the Sermons, Read when the Prophets bust out the hard core teaching moments. When you get to thinking about it, there are enough awesome chapters to keep you super engaged for months and months. Ask around. See which chapters other people consider awesome and then read that. re-read your favorites out of order. There is so much great stuff in there that I'm almost embarassed that I didn't come up with this sooner. I have been wasting my precious scripture study time with boring stuff when the good stuff is just waiting to be read. Now I look forward to reading and I carry it around in my purse to grab extra study moments here and there. I had to admit that I wasn't enjoying my scriptures before I could deal with it and get a program that made me enjoy it. Now I crave the scriptures. If it starts to get boring, I just stop what I'm reading and go find an awesome chapter. Its never hard to find. My scripture ADD is cured by embracing it and working within it.

I recommend this method to everyone except for those people who claim to love Isaiah (by the way, we all know you are lying so you can drop the act.) If you are feeling like every day is a personal spiritual feast, you don't need my program, keep doing whatever you're doing. Maybe one day I will be like that. Until then, I'll be reading the Awesome Chapters and skipping the rest.

POP goes the Hambone

Abraham is two and he is in a tough spot as far as communicating with the world. He is just on the verge of speaking English but still relies mostly on a system of hand gestures, English inspired noises, and emotional displays. I spend the most time with him and therefore understand most of what he is trying to say. We have been working on sign language too and he loves that. I think he is right on the cusp of a huge language explosion and for the sake of everyone's sanity I can't wait till he can just say exactly what he wants to say whenever he wants to say it (I need a volunteer to read this blog entry back to me when he is a sassy four year old and I want him to shut up)

What has struck me as I have watched Abe's vocabulary blossom is how many words there are that have multiple uses. I already blogged about the utility of "nudder un" (another one) but there are a whole list of words like this.

At the moment he uses the word "pop" in almost every sentence. First of all, his Grandpas are both Pop-pop. Plus he has the Otter pop addiction so he's always pointing to the freezer and saying "pop". If he is pointing to the pantry and demanding "pop" then he wants either a Pop-Tart or pop corn. Also on his list of favorites are pop-sicles, lolly-pops and soda pop. All of which he asks for by looking me in the eye and earnestly saying "POP".

I give him balloons if he uses the toilet. He begs for another balloon and when I tell him I just gave him one two minutes ago and ask where that one is he puts his hands up in exasperation and says "pop." His favorite song is "Popcorn Popping" and he loves singing "Pop Goes the Weasel".

There are other dualities going on. If he says "Go-go" I'm not sure if he is asking to go for a trip or requesting an episode of Go Diego. When he says "Ba Ba" Is he asking for a bottle or asking for Bob Bob (Spongebob Squarepants)? The list goes on and on

This kid is so much fun and so much work! The terrible twos are well underway and I want him to grow up, but I already miss my baby.

John's New Girlfriend

There is one gun that John has fantasized about since before I have known him. Its a Steyr AUG. He bought an off brand model last year but that just didn't totally do it for him. This week he got a real brand new Steyr AUG. Check out the smile on his face. Its true love.
Awww...don't they make a cute couple!

Summertime Playdates

Summer is here and these kids are officially bored and cooped up. I have been busily making plans and playdates to fill the hot days. We went to Peter Piper Pizza this week, made freezer jam at the Sly's, went swimming at Grandma's house, played one million hours of X box and learned to ride a bike without training wheels. Abraham has developed an unhealthy obsession of Otter Pops that I only realized was truly out of control when I saw that his poop has become otter pop colored. Sir Isaac Lime and Louis Blue Raspberry seem to go through his system totally undigested. Also those empty Otter Pop wrappers are EVERYWHERE. At first it seems cool that they sell them in packs of 100, but now I wonder what they were thinking. My carpet will never be quite the same. Also, I have a bone to pick with the geniuses that put the following on the otterpop box: "100% Fruit Juice!" and then underneath in small print it says "From Concentrate With Added Ingredients" I'm no mathmetician but if there are added ingredients then the percentage of fruit juice is obviously less than 100. So it is 100 percent juice except for all of those other things, which if you read the ingredient list, totals two percent. I think they get away with this because no one cares about otter pop regulation enough to sue them, but I personally find it offensive. Do they really think we are dumb enough to believe this lie? I don't know why I get so fired up about a contradictory statement on my box of frozen juice bars, but I think there should be a class action law suit or something.

We had a little girl named Alexis over for a playdate this week. She was in Jack's kindergarten class this year and we ran into her and her family at Paradise bakery so we exchanged phone numbers. Shortly after this exchange Jack got a little bit obsessed with the idea of having Alexis over. It became obvious that he has a little crush on her. He kept telling me about how she's the nicest girl in school and she's the smartest and she never gets in trouble ever. This is high praise from Jack. He has good taste too. She is adorable with long blonde hair and an impeccable wardrobe. When she came over she carried a little silk purse and had a voice like she had been sucking helium. SOOO feminine. Jack counted the days until she came. Before she arrived he made some preparations. He got out stuff to draw and color with and pulled out the Spongebob Operation boardgame. When she was finally here they had the most hilarious conversation.

Jack: I got lots of stuff we can do. You get to pick whatever you want.

Alexis: I don't know.

Jack: I usually play with boys and boys like playing army but you're a girl so I put away all of the army stuff. We can do whatever you want.

Alexis: Uhh... I don't know.

Jack:We can do whatever girl stuff you want. Like you can put on makeup and paint your nails, or you can watch girly TV shows or you can play dolls. Its totally up to you.

Alexis: Well, I like to play on the monkey bars and swingset.

Jack: Okay, lets go out back and you can pretend to be a princess while you swing.

I think he was a little surprised to find that girly girls can hold their own on a jungle gym. It was very good to see him on his best behavior for a girl.

Jack has been playing a lot with Isaac Sly. His mom Kara is one of my best friends so its super convenient that Isaac and Jack get along so well. Isaac is a really nice kid and I don't ever have to worry that he will teach Jack bad things or get into trouble when they are together. Those two can play for days and days on end and never get bored or irritated. They also had a funny conversation yesterday.

Isaac: What does your dad do for a living?

Jack: He's a police officer

Isaac: Cool! He gets to shoot people!

Jack: Well, not really. Mostly he makes phone calls and writes reports and stuff.

Isaac: So he's like, "Stop, badguy! or I'll..... call you? Stop, or I'll use my ....pen?"

Thats pretty quick sarcastic wit for a first grader. I like him.

I already can't wait for summer to be over with. I wish we had a pool or something so that there was anything to do outside. For now we are just hunkering down in the air conditioned house and waiting for fall.John has summer especially bad. Directing traffic for eight hours in direct sunlight when its over 105 degrees while wearing head to toe black and twenty pounds of gear and a bullet proof vest is not my idea of a good time.

Clones

I was going through some pictures of the boys today and I came across these two shots of Jack and Abe at two years old. I know they look alike but to see pictures taken at the same age is absolutely mind boggling. I basically gave birth to identical twins four years apart.

Graduation

Jack has successfully completed Kindergarten. Grandma and Grandpa Kramer came out to the big graduation ceremony complete with square caps and fancy diplomas. Afterward we all went out to eat and Jack was showered with congratulations and gifts. Like his daddy, Jack loves formality. He loved the procession and the hat and he took it all very seriously. He insisted on wearing his cap at a really sharp forward angle and walked really stiffly. It was all very military. He loves structure. He likes to know exactly what the chain of command is and he loves uniforms and things like saluting. He measures other kids by their obedience and he does not like rule-breakers. He is so much like John in so many ways.
He has been done with the school year for less than a day and he is already asking when school starts again because he is bored. Its gonna be a long summer.

Shameless Reptile

We have five tortoises. For the most part we love having them. They just eat the grass and they are totally fine with being messed with by small children. They are as friendly as reptiles are capable of being. The biggest one weighs about 40 pounds, is a foot and a half in diameter and his name is El Guappo. The only problem with El Guappo is that he is, how shall I put this... lonely. I have been tempted to post an ad on craigslist to search for an attractive single female tortoise. I am not looking to own another tortoise, maybe just to arrange dates. I'm sure there is some nice female out there who would love to be swept off her shell.

In the mean time, El Guappo has put all of his romantic energy into a relationship with our soccer ball. What he does to that ball is obscene. There is something about the octagon pattern and the contrasting black and white that turns him on. If given access, he spends hours upon hours mounting it. The worst part is the grunting noise and the thick layer of slime. We recently hosted a big party at out house with about sixty guests. I heard a commotion in the back yard and discovered that the tortoise had gotten to the soccer ball and was hooking up right in front of everyone. The kids were in an uproar and were all asking what he was doing. The adults were all shocked and either disgusted or entertained or both. Nobody knew what to do about it or how to explain it to the children. A few people laughed and snapped pictures. I had to go out there and push him off of it and hide the ball. It was pretty much the highlight of the afternoon.

So if you know anyone with a girl sulcata, send them my way. He is handsome, virile and obviously not too picky.