Sunday, April 17, 2011
Why do I feel compelled to archive the hell of sabbath morning to blogworld every single week? I guess its therapy. I feel like I just got done with a three hour marathon. Every week I get a little better. We are a little more well groomed and we get there a little earlier and we are to the point now that we hear the opening prayer and get all of the sacrament and we appear to be just like any normal LDS family without a dad which is how I was raised and which I subconsciously recreated in my own family. Not that John wouldn't be there with us if he could. He loves it when we get to go together as a family but he will work this shift that includes Sundays for probably years. I would probably be wise to stop feeling sorry for myself and suck it up. This morning we had to choose between consuming food or getting there on time and I would starve a hundred babies rather than be late to sacrament again. I stuffed my bag full of cheese sticks and granola bars and candy and capri suns and we were seated before the opening prayer was said. At this rate of improvement we will be translated before a more humane start time is restored. As trials of faith go I am a pretty major wuss because I seem to have a massive existential crisis every single sunday. The important thing is not how much I don't want to go, the important thing is that I do in fact go every week and I have faith that it will be a blessing to me and that it will eventually get easier. Sometimes obedience is all I have to offer. Today was a minefield of challenges. The kids slept in their church clothes which woud have put us ahead except that Jack decided to pick up a game of old school Mario while he waited for everyone else. By the time we needed to depart he was in full blown psychotic episode mode kicking and screaming and wailing over some stupid level that he just couldn't beat. Yes, this game just earned a one way ticket out of our house forever. I know it was the low blood sugar and the lack of sleep and the stress of the rush but the kid needed a straight jacket over a pesky flying fish that would come out of nowhere and destroy him every single time it was irritating but his reaction was so ridiculously out of proportion. Finally I got everyone hauled into the car and headed to the church, I passed out all of the snacks and in typical martyr mom style I got nothing which was a bad idea because I could feel my blood sugar dipping and it felt stuffy and I was woozy. I had to keep getting up and leaving the meeting just to keep from passing out and ended up in the restroom a lot. I felt like I had already been through three hours by the time sacrament was over but I had to press on and teach my primary girls. The lesson went well and I felt the spirit but I couldn't shake the feeling like I was going to pass out or something. We went to sharing time and I pretty much ditched so I could walk around and get fresh air but they had just fertilized all of the outdoor lawns so it smelled so strong of rotting manner or something equally vomit inducing. There was no where to escape. Then everyone I passed in the halls made comments like "wow your skin is so fair!" or "I never knew how porcelain your complexion is." which is polite for "dang girl, you look like a ghost." I had driven Rob's car to church and by the time it was all over with I just wanted to get home in record time. It was hot my then and I didn't know that Rob's car doesn't have air conditioning. I honestly don't know how I pulled it together to drive home without puking all over the front of myself. I think the fact that I had nothing to puke was a blessing in disguise. When I got home I just wanted to veg out on the couch and get a hold of myself. Of course the kids were begging for an elaborately cooked dinner and would not stop with the begging. Then Kristen came over and wanted to talk about her plans for next year which would require her going to school three days a week and would require me to raise her kids those three days on a volunteer basis. It was more than I could take in. I was just not in a mental place to make commitments or take on more responsibility. We postponed the conversation to think about it some more and just when I got settled in to read some scriptures and wind down I heard a funny noise. It sounded almost like trickling water. no, make that gushing water. No make that a full on House flood coming from a tub left on by Abe hours ago. The entire upstairs carpets and cabinets and walls and the ceiling downstairs and the AC ducts and the light fixtures…all of them gushing water everywhere. all over papers and pictures and electronics. The best part was that I received an email yesterday saying that when our home loan was sold a few months back there was some confusion about the transfer of the homeowners insurance policy and so the house was currently uninsured and the matter would need to be tended to first thing monday morning. It only stands to reason that the house would flood on the sunday before this error was corrected. I think everything will be fine but it did all happen a half hour before the wedding of one of my dearest friends. Her name is Chaunte and she was my little sister through Big Brothers Big Sisters years ago. We have always kept in touch and I have loved seeing what a wonderful responsible adult she has blossomed into. Not in my wildest dream would I miss her wedding and there I was on my hands and knees with a shop vac in hand salvaging all of my earthly possessions. I hope I can make it up to her. A healthy check is already in the mail. Isn't it amazing how like knows just how to kick your ass when you are down? Its a phenomenon that amazes me. I guess I need a major overhaul on my Sunday attitude or else I am doomed to Snafus like this every single week. Heaven help me.