My Cussing Days Are Over

Jack said the "S " word. We have had false alarms about bad words before. The kids love to tattle on one another for obscenities. Most of the time the conversation goes like this
Tattler: UUUMMMM.... Jack said a bad word!
Me: What word did he say?
Tattler : I can't tell you because I'm not supposed to say it. It was the S word.
Me: This is a safe place. I need to know the word in the name of investigative integrity. Go ahead and whisper it in my ear.
Tattler: He said.... "Sucker".
The word varies but the conversation rarely does. Once the offending word like sucker or idiot or butt is revealed, I feign shock and say something like "I'm not really offended by that word. When I am offended by a word I usually just ask the person to not use it. That's always worked for me." The tattler gets the point that I'm not going to intervene and the conflict is over.

Yesterday I was in the bathroom and Jack was in the next room playing video games with John. He was apparently losing badly at the video game and getting frustrated. I heard him say The S Word. No it wasn't Sucker, or Stupid even the forbidden Shut up. It was The Real S Word. My cherub faced five year old has stumbled upon one of the words in the hierarchy of real bad words. I listened closely to hear how John handled the situation. "Hey buddy, Do NOT say that word. Do you understand? Its a Bad Word and I don't ever want to hear you say it again." Case closed.

At this point I would love to say that he picked up this new word at the kindergarten playground, or from the neighbor boys or something like that but there is a truth that I should probably confess. This won't be a shocker to anyone who knows me well but I am indeed the source of Jack's new vocabulary word. He learned the S word from me. I have always been a big fan of the S word. Not that I drop it gratuitously, but there are moments in life where uttering a swear word seems to dilute pain. For some reason a stubbed toe hurts just a little less when accompanied by a tiny obscenity. When an entire box of Rice Krispies gets dumped onto my freshly mopped floor, I resort to cursing rather than violence. Today after Jack's brush with illicit language I have vowed to stop cussing completely.

Let me give you another example. This one happened in the wee hours of the morning and sheds light on the question of why I am blogging at 3 am. Petit Jambon conquered the crib this week and is therefore in a big boy bed. The problem with this is that he now feels free to get out of bed anytime he wants. Naptime has been all but destroyed, however our nights have been pretty unchanged...until tonight. He was feeling sick and I could hear him crying and trying to get out of his room. I was so deliriously tired that I just got him and put him into bed with me. Normally I have a strict policy against this. He snuggled in to sleep but a few seconds later I felt him sit up and lean over my head. He then threw up all over my face, ear and head. This was not harmless baby spit up, It was full blown, stinky, chunky, multicolored vomit. It went directly into the inner reaches of my ear canal. I jumped up immediately, clamoring for the baby wipes (as if baby wipes could help me at all) and dropped The Word of the Day. Half a dozen q-tips, one hot shower and two loads of laundry later I feel clean but I just can't sleep. Go figure.

So my point is, do not be surprised if Ham says the real S word sometime soon also. He has, after all, learned it from his own mother.