Weekend CampingTrip

I took the boys camping this weekend. Yes, I know this is a shock because I am a very vocal opponent of roughing it. This was my kind of camping. We were at a friend's cabin in Forest Lakes. Actually, it wasn't a cabin as much as a really nice house. Okay, so it probably doesn't qualify as camping at all, but it was in the woods and we did have a fire (so what if that fire was in a gas powered fireplace and was lit strictly for ambiance?) The kids loved it. I was with my writing group and my grandma Arnett was there too which was a special treat.
We were hosted by Louise and Larry Laughlin. We ate amazing food and had great conversation and just generally had a fabulous time. Larry took the kids on the quads and Ham was hooked.
I don't know if he liked riding the quad more or wearing the helmet more but he was in Ham Heaven. They had a playground set up in the back and the weather was cool so the kids played and played. There were no other kids there but lots of doting women and fun things to play with so they never got bored.
The drive was gorgeous. We were 35 miles east of Payson. Abe screamed from Payson to Mesa. sometimes people say "my kid screamed for hours" and they are just trying to make a point, but when I say this I mean it literally. He screamed for hours. It was painful but there was no soothing him. at one point Jack got so annoyed listening to his howling that he was begging him to shut up. Finally Jack said (this is an exact quote) "Babyham, In this life you do not get what you want by freaking out. You need to calm down" I had to laugh because I could hear my own voice giving this lecture countless times to Jack. Even though he doesn't always take this advice, it is obviously embedded in his psyche.

weird dream

Last night John had to leave for Tucson for a firearms instructor training class that will last two days and two nights. He does this kind of thing a lot and he really enjoys it. Its a nice little trip away for him, spending his time getting paid to shoot department ammo with a bunch of guys who are exactly like him. They all get into their sweet tactical pants and compare guns. Comparing the guns is John's favorite part because he always wins. John's gun collection is enough to make any other second ammendment loving man cry tears of joy. John and I joke that come Armageddon, our house will be the headquarters for the Queen Creek militia. Seriously, we have a lot of food and guns. Like to the point that you might wonder about our sanity. If nothing else you would re-think a home invasion chez les Kramers, because you would get your ass kicked. By ass kicked I mean, of course, shot with many rounds of semiautomatic rifle fire. (If our band of fierce chihuahuas didn't already scare you away before you even got started.)

John's favorite gun is an AR-15 named Staci Laurene. Isn't that sweet? Its a little white trash, but very sweet. He even got it laser engraved with the name Staci Laurene, which for John is equivalent to tatooing my name on his body. Its a tribute that one can only really appreciate if you know how much he loves these guns.

So back to John's training. He left last night after packing for at least an hour. I realized something about John. He overpacks to a degree that I'm sure its a diagnosable anxiety disorder. If you read the camping post a few weeks ago, you know that John doesn't like to leave home without anything that he could possibly need. Last night I was entertained and totally helpless watching him pack that Ford Focus to the gills for a two day trip. More guns than he could ever shoot, all the accompanying ammo, clothes, extra clothes, bedding, extra bedding (they are staying in a hotel). You get the point. He has a real fear of not being prepared. It is funny and endearing, but a little sad too. I wish he could just relax about it for his own sake.

So last night John left right before bed time and so I let Jack sleep in my room as a special treat. I had this dream that John came home in the morning. In the dream he walked in and I said, "What are you doing here?" He said "We got all the way down to Tucson and found out the training had been cancelled." It was just a dream but it felt really real. I woke up and started getting the kids ready for the day. My phone rang. It was John saying that when they showed up for training this morning they found out that it had been cancelled. Weird, right?

I'm not a psychic, but I do get odd dreams like this all the time that come true. Does this happen to other people? Why can't I dream about useful things like winning lottery numbers, or what is causing my health problems. Also, if I was going to know the training was cancelled it would have been nice to know before my husband packed one thousand pounds of cargo and drove two hours. Psychic dreaming really is pretty useless after the fact.

big yawn

pure awesomeness

Jack brought me the camera and said "take some awesome pictures of me while I do some awesome poses."

After the pictures were taken he looked at them and said, "pure awesomeness."

I have to agree, Jack, you are pretty awesome.

shameless photo post

I have recently been reunited with my camera and so I took some time to take a bunch of pictures of the kids today. I just thought I would post some of my favorites, mostly for the sake of my parents who we have been desperately missing since moving back to the QC.

You will notice in this picture that Ella's face has been cut in an unfortunate umbrella accident. Well, not so much an accident as an attack. Can you believe that these two sweet children would be involved in a violent umbrella duel? if you can't believe this then you have clearly not spent any time with them. Its a wonder there is not blood drawn more often. One minute they are slashing each other with sharp objects and the next they are snuggling like this. Its the kind of domestic violence that John runs into a lot at work and we're hoping they outgrow it, otherwise they will both end up in jail.
I just love Hambone's crazy hair. John has suggested that we give him a buzz but I can't bring myself to cut it off.
This kid loves the scooter. He can't ride it on his own and he can barely reach the handles but he will play with it for hours anyway. Sometimes we push him around on it and he gets so excited. He especially likes to push with his little foot just like the big kids.
I have seen this expression literally thousands of times before. It belongs to Jack. I don't know if expressions are genetic or if he has just watched and picked up on it but I had to laugh when I saw this picture. What he is thinking is "really mom? more pictures? can you give it a rest with the camera already?" It is subtle but it is SO Jack.
Perhaps I should refrain from posting naked pics of the kids, but seriously I could not resist this one. You couldn't sculpt a rounder more perfect bum. These cheeks are so utterly pinchable to me.

Dangit, I love those lesbians

This week my nephew Milan asked his mother a question. "Are lesbians like terrorists?"
His mother, Cheryl, responded immediately, "Yes, son, that's exactly what they are."

I got a good laugh out of this. Especially as I sat at the Mesa Arts center surrounded by them awaiting the Indigo Girls. There were a couple of ladies (I assume they were ladies, we would need a DNA test to confirm) making out right by us. This is when Ellen coined my new favorite verb. She said that they were "lesbianing" We saw a lot of lesbianing that night. Ellen and I didn't do any lesbianing even though people probably assumed we were a couple.
Ellen bought the tickets and invited me because she knows that there is no greater Indigo Girls fan than Staci Kramer. I have been to probably over a dozen of their live shows and own every album and know every word on every album. John heard about our lesbian date and wanted to come with us. John was forbidden from attending. Not that it wouldn't have been nice to go and show my heterosexual pride, but I am a veteran of the Girls and I know what to expect and have a much greater capacity to laugh off hard core leftist propaganda than John does. I knew that he would just get mad when they got on their soapbox about how bad humans are for spoiling the earth, or how bad white people are for spoiling Native people's lands or ask us to sign petitions in the lobby for gun control. John would end up in a corner sucking his thumb and rocking back and forth. Especially since this concert fell upon the same weekend as the national NRA convention that was held here in Phoenix. John has been looking forward to that for months and then came down with the flu and was unable to go. An Indigo Girls concert would be a poor substitute for him.

Anyway, back to the concert. IT WAS AMAZING. Amazing. How do those lesbians do it? They have put into song every emotion I have ever felt. There is an Indigo Girls song for EVERY emotion. If you don't agree, you haven't listened to enough Indigo Girls. They are seriously two of the most talented singer songwriters in all of musical history. If you don't believe me then go download Power of Two and listen to it three times. They are amazing. They played really deep cuts and of course all of the stuff from their new album. It was fabulous.

The highlight of the show was that there was NO political rhetoric. none. Just great music. We weren't even asked to sign any petitions. In fact the only group they had in the lobby was a food bank collecting canned food for needy families. I didn't have any canned food on me but I gave them a few bucks because I thought it was so refreshing to see such a good cause promoted. John would have been able to attend without his head exploding after all.

I did almost get into a lesbian fight (not really, but you can never be too careful with those crazy man-ladies) I was pulling out of the parking lot and saw this bumper and was compelled to take a picture. I had to turn the car around and come by for a second pass to get the photo. By then the car had filled up with muscular women who did not understand why I was photographing their car. I snapped the pic and then slammed on the gas. Not that there was an easy escape in a congested parking lot, but it was worth it for this picture of the quintessential Lesbian bumper.

A Dream Fulfilled

Babyham is constantly trying to get to the toilet. No, he's not a potty training prodigy, he just knows its forbidden and he wants to play in the toilet water. He is always checking to see if the bathroom door has been left open and every now and then he gets lucky. I bought a childproofing kit for the toilet lid but quite frankly it was adult proof too and I never could figure out how to use it. Not to mention, we have a five year old in the house and so we try to make going potty as hassle-free as possible for obvious reasons. This toilet lock lasted about 5 minutes and was then removed and thrown in the trash
Today Abe was able to slip away for a moment and to his delight the bathroom door had been left wide open. He shut the door behind himself for privacy and literally jumped in. When I caught him in there a few minutes later he was frantically trying to get all of his body into the toilet and trying to shut the lid onto himself. He was not going to take this opportunity for granted. He was determined to squeeze every ounce of fun out of the experience. Yes, it is a little gross (don't worry the toilet was just cleaned) but I had to take a picture.
I will never understand why the toilet is so alluring to kids except for its intended purpose. He loves to splash in it, to flush it, to put things in it, to climb on it and to get inside of it, but he has no interest in peeing into it.